Asking for what you want in bed can feel intimidating, but it’s an essential part of having a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been with your partner for a long time, clear communication about your desires can improve intimacy and create a more satisfying experience for both partners. Here are some helpful tips on how to ask for what you want in bed in a confident and respectful way:
1. Know What You Want
Before you ask for anything, it’s important to be clear about your own desires. Take some time to think about what turns you on, what makes you feel good, and what you’re curious about trying. This can be physical, emotional, or even exploring new positions or toys. Being clear on your needs will help you communicate them effectively.
2. Pick the Right Time and Setting
Timing and setting matter when it comes to asking for what you want in bed. It’s best to bring up sexual desires in a calm, open, and non-stressful environment, rather than during sex itself when emotions are running high or things are in the heat of the moment. Discussing your needs during a relaxed time, like after a date or while cuddling, can set the tone for a comfortable conversation.
3. Be Direct but Gentle
Clear communication is key, but it doesn’t have to be blunt or awkward. You can express your desires directly while still being sensitive to your partner’s feelings. Instead of saying something like, “I don’t like this,” you could say, “I really enjoy it when we do [insert specific act], it makes me feel [insert how it feels].” This allows you to express your wants without sounding critical.
4. Use “I” Statements
When talking about your sexual needs, try using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, “I would love it if you could [insert desire]” is much more effective than “You never do [insert desire].” “I” statements focus on your feelings and needs, while “you” statements can make your partner feel defensive.
5. Start with Compliments
If you’re feeling nervous about bringing something up, start by complimenting your partner. Acknowledge what they’re doing well, and then add your request in a positive, constructive way. For example, “I really love when we try new things together, and I was thinking it might be fun to try [insert request].”
6. Be Open to Their Needs Too
A healthy sexual relationship involves mutual understanding. While you express your desires, be open to hearing your partner’s needs as well. It’s important that the conversation feels like a two-way street. This will help build trust and make it easier to share both of your desires without fear of judgment.
7. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood
If you’re feeling awkward, it’s okay to use humor to break the tension. Laughter can help make the conversation feel less serious and more relaxed. Just make sure you’re not mocking your desires, but using humor as a way to ease any nervousness.
8. Respect Boundaries
Not everything you ask for may be something your partner is comfortable with, and that’s okay. Always respect their boundaries and be understanding if they aren’t ready to try something new. Healthy communication involves being open to compromise and finding a balance between both partners’ desires.
9. Incorporate Non-Verbal Cues
If you find it hard to speak up during sex, you can use non-verbal cues to guide your partner. For example, gently guiding their hand or body into a position that feels good for you can be a way to communicate your needs without saying a word. Over time, your partner will likely start picking up on these cues more intuitively.
10. Revisit the Conversation Often
Sexual needs can evolve over time, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open throughout your relationship. Don’t be afraid to revisit the conversation every now and then to check in with each other about how you’re feeling, what’s working, and what you’d like to try next.
11. Be Patient
It might take some time for your partner to feel comfortable with the things you’re asking for, especially if it’s something new or out of the ordinary. Be patient and give them the space to process the information. It may take time for them to warm up to the idea, but a patient, non-judgmental approach will make the conversation easier for both of you.
Conclusion
Asking for what you want in bed doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or awkward. By approaching the conversation with openness, respect, and a clear understanding of your own needs, you can create a more intimate and satisfying sexual relationship. Remember, the more you communicate with each other, the stronger your connection will be. So, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want—your pleasure matters, and your partner’s does too.
By practicing honest communication, you’ll not only improve your sex life but also deepen the trust and connection you share with your partner. Happy communicating!